Happiness is a choice.

I have been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be happy. I have come to the conclusion that happiness is a choice. If you are stuck in a negative mindset, then you will only focus on the difficult and annoying, and ultimately be unhappy. On the flip side if you look for the positive in your life and in your relationships then you will always find that you have so much going right in your life. Simply, I believe that you will always find what you are looking for. It’s a choice to have a positive mindset and be happy! I wish I have some magical way of cutting out those negative circuits in my brain, but I don’t. “Happiness is a choice” is kind of becoming my new mantra.

We had a really difficult January financially and I allowed it to stress me out and consume my thoughts. We were literally out of money practically the second the month began. All I could think at times was how in the world will we survive this month? Struggling along with an empty bank account for the month felt impossible, and I just thought once January is over I will be so much happier. This was just one of those months filled with a lot of extenuating circumstances and unexpected expenses, like a $450 vet bill to retrieve our dog, an insane power bill, Glenn needing a crown at the dentist, and desperately needing to buy a new car. It’s no wonder we had no money. Honestly, when I look back on my January now I don’t think about our finances. I think about watching the 49ers win all their playoff games to make it to the Super Bowl. I think about homemade pizookie and redbox movie nights with my husband. I think about hours competing against my husband in virtual golf. I think about inviting our friends over for a barbecue and James Bond. I think about the snow. I think about my husband calling me to come downstairs right this instant, and my soaking wet fresh out of the shower self throwing on some pajamas and running downstairs to see my husband standing in our half inch of snow, scooping me up in my bare feet and dripping hair and kissing my face! I think about hearing our baby’s heartbeat, and learning we are having a girl! I think about a whole month I was able to spend every day with my husband and our sweet puppies. That right there is my happiness.

You will never know in advance what days will be difficult, but in the midst of those gloomy days are so many more happy ones. I was being spoiled and not recognizing that my happiness is a choice. My happiness was available to me right then and not just when our bank account was a little fuller. My happiness is my attitude. I understand that bad days are inevitable. Life will knock you down, and it’s ok to be sad sometimes. How we react to those days and choosing to focus on something positive rather than magnifying the negative is what matters. Happiness is a choice, and I am happy. This was my life lesson the month of January.

*On a side note we had an amazing lesson in Relief Society about a week ago. We discussed the talk “Of Regrets and Resolutions” given by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf. I loved it! This talk touches on letting yourself be happy in your life. This talk kind of fueled the fire in brain and brought on some of this deep thinking of mine. Go read here if you are interested. http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/of-regrets-and-resolutions?lang=eng

Baby GIRL!

Yesterday was the most amazing day!!! I woke up super early that morning and could not sleep because all I could think was baby, baby, baby. Waiting until 3:00 that afternoon was torturous. Glenn was so confident from the very beginning that this baby was a boy, and his insistence had me believing it was a boy too. Good thing he just wants to be a Daddy more than anything, because our baby is a girl! There was no question about it, baby girl was not shy and had her legs spread wide open! I was worried that Glenn might be a little disappointed because he was so sure, but of course he’s still thrilled. Just as long as our next baby is a boy ;-) The last time we got to see our baby I was 9 weeks along, and I was so impressed by the little tiny gummy bear in my stomach. Ten weeks later, at almost 19 weeks along made a huge difference. Baby girl was so active! I loved watching our baby do somersaults, roll over, and my favorite touching her toes to her forehead. I still have yet to feel any movements from baby girl. To watch her being a little gymnast inside me and knowing that everything is ok made me so relieved and happy. I was hoping if I could watch her move that maybe I would be able to feel something at the same time, but nope. She is weighing in at 9 ounces so hopefully real soon. During this ultrasound they did a full anatomy scan and baby is absolutely perfect in every way. I loved holding Glenn’s hand and watching in awe of our perfect baby girl for like thirty minutes. I could have seriously watched the movie playing of our baby girl moving around forever, it’s truly miraculous. We love this little girl so much already, and just can’t wait to meet the little princess!

Right now I am 18 weeks, 5 days pregnant! Throughout my entire pregnancy I have been feeling amazing, just extra tired. I have never been sick, I haven’t gained that much weight, and I have the tiniest bump ever! When I lifted up my shirt, even our ultrasound tech asked, where is your belly? It may sound silly but this appointment was so reassuring to me that I am right on track with my pregnancy, there is nothing to worry about, and I am right where I should be. I just need to keep appreciating how blessed and lucky I am to have such an easy and healthy pregnancy and that baby girl is being so nice to her Mama.

Nothing to hide.

Bending her knees and squishing her chin to her chest.

Toe to forehead touches. My flexible baby!

Three years ago today.

Three years ago today I went on a first date. Honestly, when I was asked out on this date I said yes purely out of convenience. Let me explain. This was also the first week of classes of my very last semester at Sacramento State. Seeing that it was my last semester before graduation I needed certain classes regardless of what day or time they were offered. This is how I ended up with a five hour break in my schedule and taking a ridiculous three hour night class. So when said boy, who conveniently lives less than five minutes from campus, offered to buy me lunch I said yes. Don’t get me wrong I was still very excited for this lunch. This boy was incredibly cute, working on his Masters, and liked small dogs. I had met him about two weeks prior to this date (but that’s another story) and thought this would be a fun getting to know you type lunch. We went to lunch at Dos Coyotes, and the entire time conversation flowed smoothly and there were never any awkward type moments. So the lunch date was then followed up by a movie at his house. We watched I Am Legend, you know because boys like to pick movies that hold promise for some quality cuddling. The quality cuddling ensued and I was surprised by how comfortable I felt with this boy. When the movie ended we started to talk again, more like I tried to start talking again. This boy mid-sentence, mid-word kisses me! Yes kisses me! My head was spinning, not in the I want to push him away and stop this kind of spinning, more like a wow, this was fast, you are a very to the point kind of person spinning. I went to class that night, and thank goodness it was just the first week where you pretty much just go over the syllabus in very thorough detail type of class, because my thoughts were very distracted by this boy and this kiss. This is the story of my very first date with my now husband. Little did I know that day that Glenn Fox would become my best friend, make me fall in love with him, marry me, and I would be exactly four months pregnant with his baby in another three years. What a lovely three years together it has been! I love my life with this boy and this date will forever be special to me. We would have loved to have gone to Dos Coyotes, but alas North Carolina just isn’t hip like California yet. In honor of our three year first date celebration and four months pregnant we of course had to do some photo ops today.

The necessary kissy photo.

The 4 month bump.

Still pretty tiny I know, but trust me there is a difference.

The sad and the happy.

Way back last November I took an unexpected trip to California. Unfortunately it wasn’t the happy kind of trip, but a bittersweet visit so that I could attend my Uncle Byron’s funeral. My Uncle had been in poor health for years, and even knowing that when I received a text from my Mother that he was on life support I had to get up and walk out of Relief Society so that a room full of women didn’t see me crying. I learned the news on Sunday and was on a plane to California on Tuesday. I wouldn’t have missed his funeral for anything and wanted to be there for my family. The funeral was such a sad day and my heart broke for my cousins and my Aunt Jeni as I listened to all the funny stories and the tears flowed. He was a smart, funny, loved man and will be missed by so many!

On a happier note while I was in California I got to spend some memorable quality time with my parents in Reno, Nevada. We drove up that morning so we could drop Rebekah off at school and then hang out for the day until the UNR football game that night. What to do with a day to kill in Reno? Lucky for us my Mom had inherited some property in Silver Springs, Nevada about an hour away. When we arrived my Mom who had visited the property before warned my Dad to stay on the pathway because the ground was very soft. Well like all good warnings most are ignored and we were stuck. Not just a tiny bit stuck either, but stuck stuck! The front wheels are spinning and spinning, sand is flying everywhere, and the entire back of the car is lifted off the ground. No amount of digging is going to get us out. A note about this property, it is in the middle of nowhere and neighbors are few and far between. Also it was freezing this day! So after taking some photos to capture the moment my Mom and I set off to walk to the nearest neighbor. We were lucky he was home and had a truck to tow us out and give us a lift back to our car. Maybe you had to be there, but I’ll laugh about this for awhile. After we were pulled out of our predicament we spent the rest of our afternoon safely in the warmth of Scheel's department store and riding the ferris wheel. As far as the game that night, the band was excellent, the football team not so much. We left near the end of the third quarter when UNR was getting their trash kicked and I had officially lost feeling in my feet. Trust me we were prepared too. I was wearing like 5 layers, and we picked up some hand warmers earlier while at Scheels. Oh and I still look like a college student! Some random guy scalping tickets gave me a free ticket to get in, and I wasn’t even asked for an I.D. when I snuck into the student section to say goodbye to Rebekah. Woohoo, although not that surprised. Thanks for the good times Reno!

My sister the college student!

This picture doesn't even do it justice.

My poor Daddy doesn't look too happy here.

A not so great attempt.

Finding the humor now.

Lovely isn't it! Like I said middle of nowhere.

Way lifted off the ground.

A friendly neighbor.

The hole.

Nevada!

Freezing, but having fun!

I just love this picture of my Mom in her zip up blanket.

This is a story about a Chihuahua and a breakfast burrito.

This is also a story about my extreme irritation and anger towards Southwest Airlines, without whom this story would not be possible. I arrive at the airport luggage and Rocky in tow and wait to check in for my flight to California for Christmas. When it’s my turn the lady begins to check me in and when I set Rocky on the scale she says to me I will not allow this crate on your flight. “Excuse me, why not? I have flown with this exact carrier on Southwest with no problems before.” She pulls out a tape measure, see too big. “No I don’t see, the crate fit under the seat just fine before, why not now?” No explanation. She tells me again I won’t allow this crate. “What are my options?” You can leave and go buy a new dog carrier. “I can’t leave now, I would miss my flight.” You can reschedule your flight for a later time. “There is no way I am rescheduling my flight!” You could buy our $45 Southwest carrier. Why this was the third option behind cancelling and rescheduling my flight is beyond me. With no other choice I was forced to buy the bright yellow, mesh, soft-sided Southwest dog carrier. I walk over and begin to work my way up to the front of the security line. I get pulled aside by the guard after walking through the security sensor and am informed they need to do a swab test on my hands and then run it through a machine. They needed to make sure that after holding my dog I didn’t have any residual chemical properties or explosive powders left on my hands. Yes, they honestly thought I may have laced my dog with some sort of explosive device. A smiley (well maybe not at this point in my day) young, innocent girl with her Chihuahua just might blow up an airplane. Needless to say I eventually got through security and made it to my flight. Phew! Finally on my flight, I’m not at all worried about Rocky. He will just sleep through the entire flight and not make a peep. I place him under the seat in front of me, pull down my tray, and begin reading. Maybe two hours into my flight I hear a soft whimper coming from Rocky. I lift up my tray and to my surprise see Rocky had chewed a hole through his cheap-o Southwest carrier (that was not cheap at all) and now has his entire face stuck! Yes his entire face is poking out and looking desperately at the lady sitting next to me chowing down on her breakfast burrito! Unbeknownst to me there was a breakfast burrito my seat neighbor had placed in a paper bag underneath the seat right next to Rocky for the last two hours! Rocky is a Chihuahua of course he can't resist a breakfast burrito! My neighbor was nice enough to try and stretch the hole in the carrier while I pulled Rocky's face back out. Oi! Thank you Southwest for this hilarious Rocky anecdote! This would have never happened with my nice airline approved, hard-sided carrier that we normally travel with. Truly thank you, at least it makes me chuckle now.

Windy road types of peeps.

On August 15, just three and a half short months ago, I wrote on this very blog; “Don’t quote me on this, but I have a feeling that Durham will be our home for quite a while.” Ha, I now laugh at myself! Feel free to join in. Either we are the type of people that are extremely indecisive when it comes to figuring what we want out of life. Or we know exactly what we want and just take ridiculously windy roads getting there. Well we are windy road types of peeps and guess what I am over North Carolina! Some people may laugh at us, tell us to stick it out, or think we are just plain dumb moving over and over and over and yep now have the desire to move once again. I’m not saying we have official plans to move just yet but this has been a major topic of discussion between Glenn and I recently. Don’t get me wrong we don’t hate our lives here by any means. We love the green, the people we have met, and the opportunity to establish ourselves as a couple away from a place where people have known us our entire lives. But we dislike Glenn’s job, having no money, and the thought of raising our baby 2,785 miles (Yes, I just Googled that.) away from our families. We have given the East Coast a fair shot. Plain and simple though we are West Coasters born and raised and it’s where we belong. There are a lot of possibilities up in the air right now but I will say that Glenn is looking at jobs teaching at Colleges located on the West Coast. We’re not talking California specific but anywhere within a day’s drive of California is our preference. We don’t exactly love the hassles and expenses and starting over in a new place constantly. Our current plan is that Glenn will remain with his current job teaching at a High School and will apply like crazy at Colleges for next fall. Last year Glenn was narrowed down to the final two applicants for College positions twice, so we are confident that with another year of teaching under his belt he stands a decent chance. We are optimistic, hopeful, and trust that life will work out the way it’s supposed to for us. If we have to stay in North Carolina for another year we know it’s not the worst scenario for us. We could deal, but I just don’t wanna! If life goes according to our plans we will be making a road trip to California next summer, have our baby there, and Glenn will be a College professor in the fall! We’re daring to dream!

I can’t believe I actually kept this secret so long!

We’re having a baby!!! Baby Fox will be arriving on June 27, 2013! In November I took a trip to California and thought I got sick on my flight. A week later when I was back home in North Carolina and still feeling exhausted and like my body was just off somehow I decided I should probably take a pregnancy test. I was so nervous I couldn’t even look at the stick. I made Glenn look first and then tell me, positive! We scheduled a Doctor’s appointment for the day before Thanksgiving. I thought the Doctor would confirm that I was four maybe even five weeks pregnant. So when the Doctor does an ultrasound and tells me I was 8 weeks and 6 days pregnant I was shocked to say the least. I was not expecting to see our baby and hear a heartbeat on this first visit. I stared at this picture of our baby all day long just to believe that this was real. Glenn will love that I’m telling the world that he cried during the visit, but I think it’s just so sweet how excited he is to be a Daddy. Mommy was a little surprised, but Mommy and Daddy are both elated of course and just can’t wait to love on our perfect baby!

Over our Christmas vacation to California we finally had the opportunity to tell our families our little secret. I thought it would be more fun to see people’s reactions in person. And so the secret keeping began. I talk to my mother on the phone practically every day so imagine just how difficult it was for me to find other topics to talk about. I felt so guilty. I am so happy that we waited though. I loved seeing all the different reactions from people: tears, screams, squeals, hugs, we had it all. Since this will be grandbaby #1 for my parents I wanted to tell them in a special way. We bought an ornament that says Joy, and the O was a tiny picture frame. Glenn took the ultrasound photo and photo-shopped in, “Hi Grandma and Grandpa!” We sized it to fit in the ornament and I gave the soon to be grandparents their present the second I was in California. I flew in Monday and Glenn was flying in on Friday. He knew in person I would not be able to hide our secret that many more days, and he was right. The second my Dad walked in the door from work on Monday I jumped up and ran to go get their present. I wish I took a picture of the frame. My Mom just cried and cried and even my Dad’s eyes welled up with tears. I know this will be one spoiled baby. It didn’t take long before this baby dominated our conversations. Baby you are so loved already!!

That entire month between Thanksgiving and Christmas was surreal to me. Telling our family and friends was unforgettable and truly makes this baby feel more real now. I still can’t grasp that I’m already in my second trimester. Today I am 14 weeks and three days pregnant. Honestly, I feel fantastic! I am definitely more tired than normal and feel like I need a nap every day. I have only had just a handful of times where I feel a little nauseous at night. When that happens Glenn has found a secret potion of half diet mountain dew and half pink lemonade slushee that helps. I never drink soda so it’s sweet he found a way to make it not so icky for me. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful husband who is kind and takes care of me. Aww I’m in LOVE! Next big baby news will be boy or girl in just four short weeks!