39 weeks and my thoughts on pregnancy.

I am more and more in love with my enormously perfect pregnant belly every day. I’m at the point where every morning I wake up and feel like I can see the difference from the day prior. I don’t know how she hasn’t run out of room yet? This pregnancy has made me feel very womanly, like that Shania Twain song, ‘Man I feel like a Woman’. I am in awe of the way my body took to this pregnancy so naturally. I was able to walk a 5K at 37 ½ weeks pregnant! Your belly is quite the attraction when you’re that huge and I received so many comments: God bless you, oh wows, and just general looks of she is crazy. I finished in 57 minutes which is terrible, but I was so proud of myself for trying at all. I was able to really enjoy this experience with minimal discomfort and feel beautiful throughout. I never really broke down until about 8 months pregnant when I had to get dressed three times for church because nothing was fitting right. I realize now it’s crazy but I actually had to be reminded that my normal clothes aren’t supposed to fit right now. Honestly, for being six days away from my due date I feel so good. Too good actually! I walked almost three miles yesterday and wasn’t sore or tired in the slightest, just slow. Seriously? Not gonna lie, I feel like a pregnant Superwoman! 

I am a little, ok extremely impatient about what day she is coming. First thing in the mornings Glenn says Happy Birthday to our little girl. She is not listening. I’m having trouble distracting myself with ways to stay busy so I don’t think constantly about going into labor. Her clothes are all clean, hospital bags are packed, car-seat is installed, up to date baby bump pictures taken, and I’m walking everyday trying to convince her to come now. After my last few baby appointments I have had this feeling that baby girl will come early. I was showing lots of progress really early on and even my Doctor’s were saying I was off to an impressive start. I had an ultrasound at 36 ½ weeks that estimated baby girl was 7.2 pounds with her head in the 86^th percentile. At that rate we are suspecting a 9 pound baby! At that same appointment I was already dilated to a generous 1-2. At a day shy of 38 weeks I was still an almost 2. Then we took a 5 day, 2,840 mile road trip from North Carolina to California and wham I was 3.5 cm. dilated and 80% effaced at 38 ½ weeks. I am optimistic that making so much progress so easily will help me when I’m actually in labor. Maybe I have more pain tolerance than I thought? I have been having lots of practice contractions lately and they don’t really bother me too much. I’m ready for the real thing! Not because I’m uncomfortable, although I do look pretty ridiculous rolling out of bed. Baby D you can make your debut any time now, I’m ready to kiss and snuggle and hold you in my arms!

 

36 1/2 weeks. Already smitten.

Pre 5K Abbie, Post 5K Ruth.

Glenn finished in half the time and then came back for me.



21 June 2013.

 

 

 

Heads Carolina, Tails California.

May 31 - I sent this text message to Glenn: “I want to leave now. I wanted to leave yesterday! Let’s pack up and just surprise our families in CA!” Glenn counters with concern about needing a hospital for baby. I tell him that any hospital will work, they all have doctors, and one day it would make an entertaining anecdote when she hears how she was born somewhere in the middle of the country. Today I still feel like I want to just peace out on Glenn’s last day of school and just start driving. Glenn thinks that my spontaneity will fade, but I really think that we would make it to CA in time, and having our families all be able to meet baby girl would make it worth the risk.  

Less than two weeks ago I wrote this, and today is officially our last day in North Carolina! With much conversation, prayer, tears, advice, understanding and also intense disapproval at my road-tripping across the country at 38 weeks pregnant we are leaving tomorrow. We are so content in our decision and know that this is the best move for our little family. The more we contemplated potentially moving for the summer the more we realized it didn’t make any sense to stay in North Carolina. With Glenn not having a job here in the fall it wasn’t worth staying and wasting valuable time that we could be spending time with our families, and it is the perfect window for everyone to meet baby girl. Especially since come fall we could be living anywhere.  

The stress came with the logistics of moving in such a short time frame. We literally came to an official conclusion about this one week ago. So many loose ends to tie up! All of a sudden we went from knowing where we were having our baby to urgently needing a new OB in CA practically the second I arrive in CA. Not to mention the vast safety concerns of making a 5 day journey in the car when I am so very pregnant. Glenn had some summer lighting and design gigs that he had to quickly and very apologetically back out of. We are stuck paying out the last two months of our lease even though we won’t be living here. The Fox furniture flipping business was in full swing and we had two large pieces we needed to finish. Packing, packing, and more packing. Choosing what’s coming to California, what’s staying in a storage unit here, and what’s getting free-listed to Craigslist. Not to mention all our goodbyes to the fabulous friends we made here. This was definitely the hardest part. I feel so incredibly guilty that I just had the most amazing baby shower, and all these women who were so generous and kind to me won’t even get to see the baby. Although it came as a surprise to most people, I really appreciate that when I was saying goodbye how understanding people are.  

After much preparation, probably pushing myself a little too hard, and likely making my husband slightly crazy, we are basically ready to go. I have done extensive research on traveling while pregnant and we know it will be pretty slow going with the amount of stops I will need to stretch and pee. We have a detailed travel plan with all our stops, and the distance to hospitals at any given time. More than anything we have faith that this is what we were supposed to do for our family. It was difficult for me to put aside other’s opinions and make the decision that was best for us. And as crazy and last minute as this was, we know it’s right! Now we just hope and pray that baby girl chooses to stay squished inside just a little bit longer, and I’m optimistic that she will. After my last Doctor’s appointment I was really worried that she wants to come early because I was already dilated to a ‘generous 1-2’. At my OB appointment this morning the Doctor was so positive that Baby and I will make the trip perfectly fine. I have low blood pressure, zero swelling, right on track with weight and measurements, practically perfect! His calm manner really helped any baby nerves I was having.  

I also need to give a huge thank you to Rebekah!! My sister flew out from CA and surprised me at my baby shower. I was SO surprised and emotional and couldn’t believe that she was actually here! She had a one way ticket and was planning on staying until baby girl’s arrival. Little did she know, or we know, that we were going to leave NC. Her vacation turned into helping us finish up projects and pack. She teased that we were slave drivers, and allowed us to pay her back for her assistance with donuts and NC Cuisine (aka, Cook Out and Bojangles). She flew out yesterday and I am missing her already. We seriously would not have been ready this quick without her!

2 years wedded, 8 months pregnant.

May 27, 2013 - 2 years down and I still love Glenn Fox with all my heart, and know I will forever and ever. Sadly, I wasn’t in the best mood morning of anniversary. Now I fear Glenn thinks I have really high anniversary expectations. In reality, sometimes it’s just really hard for me to be poor and we had to cancel our fancy date plans due to lack of funds. Makes me sound snobby and spoiled I know. Maybe my emotions are partially due to the fact that I’m pregnant? To be fair, I am eight months pregnant, and we had planned on getting a couples massage and I wanted it desperately. In an effort to cheer me up Glenn has us take turns sharing favorite memories from the last year. So many of our favorites were the same, and I realized just how much we have been able to do over the past year. Finding out that I was pregnant and seeing our baby girl on the ultrasound for the first time was #1! This little activity also made me realize how much more I feel like an adult than I did when we were first married. We have had to make so many difficult life decisions, and we did that together. I am proud of us and how our marriage has grown so much stronger.  

In ten months of living here we still had not visited Duke. We only pass by the exit weekly on our way to church too. I wanted a pretty place to take anniversary photos/8 month photos, so we decided on going to the Duke Gardens. We went inside the famous Duke Chapel and walked down into the crypt. I always have to take pictures of places like that for my mother. As we were finding our way to the Gardens we happened to walk past the Duke War Memorial. Perfect since today also happened to be Memorial Day. The Gardens were lovely, and had so many scenic backdrops. I love touring new places and doing photo shoots so my mood lifted quickly. I wish we had come to visit the Gardens sooner because they are gorgeous and there is so much to see that I just did not feeling like walking on a warm day at eight months pregnant. 

The rest of our day was pretty relaxed. We spent the late afternoon inside enjoying the AC and watching some Netflix. That night some friends invited us over for a BBQ. It wound up being a wonderful anniversary. I am forever grateful that we were married on Memorial Day weekend and I will never have to worry about not getting to spend the day with my husband. Just an entire day together is a blessing in itself, and makes me a happy girl. Glenn Fox, I love you. I am over the moon ecstatic to start raising our daughter together in just one month!

 

 

A rant.

May 30, 2013 - Sometimes I just need to write out my feelings in a good stress-relieving rant! I hate, and I really mean HATE our complex. When we first moved here I was happy to have the extra space, an extra bedroom, a patio to barbecue, and my personal favorite a washer and dryer! My initial optimism for a brief period overshadowed all the other problems: very thin walls, cheap finishings, a promised dog park covered in broken glass, a gym that has one working piece of equipment, and less than stellar management who care about none of this. My frustrations towards living here increasingly grew over the past almost year, until about two weeks ago when I hit my breaking point. I am done. I want out. I want out yesterday! 

Breaking point #1 – Our scooter, our beloved scooter “Freedom” was stolen. Stolen straight off our back patio on Mother’s Day! I am a paranoid person when it comes to safety; I’m always triple checking locked doors and closed curtains when we go to bed at night. Glenn thinks I’m crazy. Glenn assures me that poor people don’t steal from other poor people. They know that if they want nice things they need to go outside of their own neighborhood. Lies!! This theory was disproved when someone stole our scooter! I feel violated. I loathe this person. I hope karma finds them. The next morning I inform the management. Their response, “This can happen anywhere.” No apologies. No nothing. I file a police report. I spend hours calling every repair shop, auto shop, and pawn shop I can find to keep an eye out for this criminal. I received a letter in the mail a few days ago from the police, ‘we are unable to develop a suspect or any significant leads’. I’m not surprised, I know Freedom is long gone, but I dream of seeing Freedom on the road and running this criminal down. I mean really it goes 35 MPH, struggles with uphill, and the thief has no car. It wasn’t fancy, but it was mine. 

Breaking point #2 – We live next door to a psychotic woman, a woman who ran out of medication, a woman doing some hard corps drugs that are messing with her mind, a woman who should be in a room with padded walls, all of the above?! I wouldn’t normally care about her business until three times in one week she comes over and harasses me. I’m talking yelling, swearing, kicking our door, banging on our kitchen window with a stick, craziness! The first time this happened I was outside sanding and had music playing inside on the computer. She comes over completely irrational and out of control and didn’t want to hear that I’ll turn it off, she just wanted to scream and swear. The second time I have music playing on the computer while I’m cleaning the kitchen, I can’t even hear it over the water running. The walls are pounding, she is kicking at our door, and blaming me that her son woke up from his nap. I try to reason with her, explain that I hear her as well and that’s what happens when you share very thin walls. I know when you yell at your child, talk on the phone, watch TV, listen to your gangsta rap, wash your dishes, turn on the washing machine, take a shower, and flush your dang toilet too. So deal.  Ok so I didn’t run down the list, just merely stated that I hear her too and choose to suck it up, more trashy language and I shut the door in her face. You can’t reason with a crazy woman! That day I filed a complaint with management and they promised to speak with her and said she would no longer be allowed to come to my door. I also learned that they have had previous chats with her about acceptable noise already when she complained about a different neighbor. Management came, heard nothing. The next day, the third and final time, luckily Glenn was home to firsthand witness the crazy. We were watching a show on the computer, about 9:30 there is kicking at the door. It seriously sounds like someone is trying to break into our house, we have physical footprints on our door. Final straw, we call the cops. While we’re sitting and waiting for the cops to come she comes back and starts banging on the kitchen window with a stick, we’re just sitting and talking mind you. We call the cops again. Finally they arrive 45 minutes later and have a chat with our crazy lady. I tell the cop that this has damaged my sense of safety and security during the day when my husband isn’t home. Also each time this happens I become all shaky and my heart rate skyrockets and I was really concerned about stressing my baby. The cop tells me, if it happens again to call the cops, we have guns, and it will result in trespassing and a warrant. I felt better with some weaponry on my side. I found it interesting when I informed management the situation escalated that they had two conversations earlier that day and yet she chose to ignore the warnings. I was thinking about how in ten months of living next to these people our habits have not changed. If anything we cancelled our cable and our projector died so we watch far less of anything. Some sort of crazy switch must have flipped on in this woman. Part of me would love to see her spend a night in prison, but no incidents since we called the cops and that’s good too. 

Breaking point #3 – I’m upstairs when barking dogs alert me to something that I couldn’t hear. I come downstairs to find a massive flood that I can’t see the extent of from where I’m stuck on the stairs. I run upstairs and grab some towels to swish around on and dry up the mess. I notice the toilet is completely to the brim and spontaneously overflowed. I call management, they will send someone over. I learn that the sewage to the building had gone out and caused the spill. Yep, it was nasty, smelly, chunky sewage  water that flooded the bathroom, hallway to the front door, and just barely into the living room. For the next two hours we have repairmen knocking on the front door, back door, walking in and out, doing toilet checks over and over, and each time making the dogs bark like crazy. Our house was smelly, I had a headache, and my Dad got me all nervous about ingesting airborne spores. I was not a very happy girl when Glenn walked in the door. He immediately recognizes the signs of a girl in desperate need of some frozen yogurt and fresh air. He knows me well! A cleaning lady did come two days later to clean the floors, but only after I informed them that at over eight months pregnant I am not scrubbing our floors to clean up a mess that wasn’t my fault.  

What a crazy two weeks it has been! We told management that we will be gone by the end of July. We still have no official plans for where we will be living. All I know is we’re relieved to be saying good riddance to this place. Now we just pray every single day that we will catch a break and some good news will come our way.

I can't control the Universe?

May 15, 2013 - I have always been the personality type where I am more comfortable with a plan, schedule, to-do list, oh how I love making lists. I love that satisfying accomplished feeling of checking something off and being productive. I start to feel anxiety when my life is up in the air and I have zero control over when, what, or where the next step is. Unfortunately I can’t just make an outline or a list to calm all my anxiety right now. Maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones that are making me a little extra emotional and sensitive lately? Although I do feel like I have legitimate reasons to be feeling this way lately.

Glenn’s searching for a new job. In the last two years we have lived in California, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, and we will add location #5 to this list very shortly. Glenn has officially resigned his job at Riverside High School. Only this time it’s slightly different. We’re leaving with no plan. Yep we’re insane, but after much conversation and prayer and tears, we simply can’t stay. You may not understand. You may wonder why? Why another move? Why so close to having a baby? Why can’t you stay happy with a job very long? Why are you such gypsies? Why, why, why? What an outsider perspective on our life may not realize is that each move has been better for us in every way, better job, better pay, better apartment, just better, but not where we want to be. So Glenn continues looking and each time he gathers more knowledge and experience from his current job, and gets a little closer to that dream college teaching job in the dream location. Closer, baby steps closer, but I am ready for a leap!

Honestly, it’s not another move that concerns me, we desperately want to move, and hopefully somewhere on the West Coast closer to our families. What I struggle with is the job searching process. It takes forever. Patience is a virtue I severely lack. This time the process is proving drastically more challenging for me because we will have a newborn baby that needs consideration. Our past moves have involved very short notice! Sometimes the interviews don’t start coming until late into the summer, and living in anticipation with a baby makes me really anxious. Also, I don’t know if I have it in me to just pick up and settle down anywhere again? I want a move that sticks! I want a move where we live within a day’s driving distance of our families so that they have a relationship with our daughter. I want to move, but I have more stipulations for this particular move than I have in the past. I want it to feel right. Glenn assures me that as long as we’re together with our baby girl and our puppies then that’s what matters. I know he’s right. I just want the world right now. I don’t want to have to wait another year, two years, five years, ten years, to reach that dream job in its dream location. Am I asking too much?!

So far Glenn has had two job interviews. We had a discussion about applying to jobs West Coast specific so imagine my surprise when Glenn gets an interview in Wingate, NC, and wait for it….GUAM! Glenn told me he was actually fearful what my reaction would be to Guam. Well, it involved tears and lots of reason why not. Glenn loves the idea of Island life and thinks it would work wonders for my stress levels. Glenn absolutely loves the position too, like he could see himself being happy there for years. Guam for years?! The thought just makes me so emotional because I really struggle with the distance from my family. I love my parents tremendously but they also make me feel tremendously guilty sometimes for living far away. A guilt that’s increased when I hear comments about how they fear having no involvement in baby girl’s life, and she will only know her flat Grandparents on the computer. I can’t even say the word Guam without my Mom crying. It breaks my heart! I also feel that by not giving considerable thought to a position that my husband absolutely 100% loves is unfair to him, and then I feel like a terrible wife. So basically I just feel constantly guilty! Oi! Right now Guam seems the most interested in Glenn and we also need to consider the fact that once the school year ends Glenn is essentially jobless, no more paychecks coming our way, and we will have a baby!! Oi again! The rational and emotional sides of me don’t get along very well, and lately the emotional side of me is winning. Here I am, a girl who thrives off of having a routine and a game plan, attempting to be patient and calm, during a very nerve-wracking time in anyone’s life, and our lives are one fatty floating question mark right now.