Perspective.

I debated back and forth whether or not I wanted to write about this on my blog. For some reason, I feel like I can only share the happy and positive in my life. I think because it’s easier to portray yourself as someone who is picture perfect. Let’s face it though, I’m not, not every day is happy, I get sad, and I had a really bad day, and I’m going to share it.

It was your fault! I stood there with a tear stained face, feeling a mix of emotions from confusion to anger to frustration to sadness and devastation as a police officer told me the car accident I was just in was my fault. These words have been ringing in my head ever since. I stood there in shock repeating over and over to the police officer, “I’m confused, I had a green light, I was hit,” over and over. I was told that she also had a green light, I was supposed to yield to her, therefore my fault. This was a very non-sympathetic police officer and didn’t seem to care that I was in a very fragile emotional state and not really grasping his words. No matter what age you are, it sucks being told that something is your fault. And no matter what age you are when you hear these words you cry and cry and cry some more.

I was on my way home from a Relief Society getting to know you activity last Thursday. I am new, I needed to know people, and was actually really excited to go. Now I’m not sure how long until I work up the nerve to drive myself somewhere ever again. I’m horribly directionally challenged and even though we have been to the church a bunch now, I needed a GPS to get home. When I don’t know where I’m going I drive really cautious so I don’t miss something. I was not speeding, I look up at the light and have greens all the way, and I start to veer left onto Cornwallis. The street I live on, yes I got in an accident less than a mile from where I live! And WHAM!! Out of the corner of my eye I see the car, and there was nothing I could do in time. I was hit on the passenger side.

I called Glenn immediately, I was shocked and confused and feeling guilty that I just wrecked his car. One of a million reasons I love my husband – he has soaking wet dogs in the bathtub at the time and runs to my rescue on a bicycle. My scooter was out of gas. So my unbelievably forgiving husband comes on a bicycle just to be with me and so I don’t have to deal with the car, cops, tow-truck, and waiting all alone. I love him! Glenn kept telling me that he was never angry for a second, that he was just so grateful I wasn’t hurt, and he just held me on the side of the road for as long as I needed.

I will never understand why people think green light yields are a good idea! Personally I would like to tell this person giving people green lights at the same time like that is dumb, and that people can get in accidents. I moped for about a day, staying in my pajamas, cuddling my puppy, taking a nap, and wanting to hide from the huge mess I just created. My husband wouldn’t let me. And from 3,000 miles away my mother wouldn’t let me beat myself up either. It was just an accident! That’s what people kept telling me. Glenn came home and forced me out of the house, and I almost ended up at our ward cookout in my pajamas. I rode there on the back of our scooter and jumped every time a car came close. But it helped. The fresh air, the people, the pushy husband, it all helped.

I’m fine now, and I have gained some perspective. I woke up the next morning in my own bed, next to my husband, and not a hospital bed. The woman in the other car and her dog are both fine too. The car isn’t completely totaled like I thought in the moment, and will be drivable about $1000 from now. Most importantly I have such an understanding husband. I was so angry at myself for making a mistake that I couldn’t see that it was just that, a mistake. I begged Glenn if he was angry at me at all just tell me, I deserved it, and he never was. I’m grateful for all the offers to get rides and borrow people’s cars. I’m grateful I’m here, just a sore back, and some emotional damage, but I have a lot to be grateful for!!