A month has passed since I have
given an update on life in Guam, and more importantly Deliah, I apologize!
Deliah deserves a dedicated post so for now I will say that she has grown A
LOT. Deliah started wearing her six month clothes at only three months. I have
an ever-growing pile of clothes that she can no longer wear. Makes me a little
sad. At the same time her personality is developing and she is so much FUN!!
I adore every moment at home
with Deliah and being her Mom brings me tremendous joy. The ability to stay
home with my baby is an absolute blessing and I thank God that financially
that’s a possibility for us. My Mommy responsibilities are my number one
priority and keep me plenty busy. However, in other areas of my life I am
feeling unfulfilled. I feel bored with my life. I have struggled with these
feelings before and something about being here in Guam has amplified them. I try
to keep myself busy by being the perfect Miss Susie Homemaker. I cook scrumptious
dinners, laundry is always done, house is clean, and now being a new Mommy I am
there for Deliah’s every need. Somedays I literally spend all day holding my
baby, and I am 100% ok with that. These days fly by way too fast as it is, and
I never want to feel like anything is more important than snuggling my baby. In
some ways I feel slightly guilty that being a ‘stay at home’ Mom isn’t enough
to make me feel fulfilled.
What I feel like I am missing is something that I do just for me. I need a hobby. I need to start exercising again. I would love to do something with my journalism degree. It pains me to see all the debt I accumulated for a degree that is just sitting there unutilized. I need a change of scenery from the bland white walls inside our home. By the time the weekend rolls around I am practically begging my husband to entertain me and go sightseeing. It amazes me that even with how much time it takes caring for a baby, I still feel like I have way too much free time. I have watched way too much TV. I have been making a conscious effort lately to limit TV during the day and start reading more books. I got a library card and am pretty excited about it. As Arthur says, “Having fun isn’t hard when you got a library card!” I think what I am saying is that I have not been feeling like a very well-rounded person. I need something more so I don’t feel quite so lame. When my husband comes home from work and we talk about our day sometimes I literally have nothing better to say than that our baby finally pooped after three days. True story.
What I feel like I am missing is something that I do just for me. I need a hobby. I need to start exercising again. I would love to do something with my journalism degree. It pains me to see all the debt I accumulated for a degree that is just sitting there unutilized. I need a change of scenery from the bland white walls inside our home. By the time the weekend rolls around I am practically begging my husband to entertain me and go sightseeing. It amazes me that even with how much time it takes caring for a baby, I still feel like I have way too much free time. I have watched way too much TV. I have been making a conscious effort lately to limit TV during the day and start reading more books. I got a library card and am pretty excited about it. As Arthur says, “Having fun isn’t hard when you got a library card!” I think what I am saying is that I have not been feeling like a very well-rounded person. I need something more so I don’t feel quite so lame. When my husband comes home from work and we talk about our day sometimes I literally have nothing better to say than that our baby finally pooped after three days. True story.
What I really need are friends!
I have really gone out of my comfort zone to try and meet some people here. I
am friends with people on Facebook that I have never even met! I have literally
sent messages to potential friend material that sound like this…
“I just moved to this island with
my husband and beautiful baby. Let’s be friends. So and so that we both know
thought we would have a lot in common. Let’s be friends. You have young kids, I
have a baby. Let’s be friends. Please please please. I know how to bake. Let’s
be friends!”
Would you be my friend if I
sent you this message? Normally these are friend of friend types and always
accept my requests and are way nice because they understand. From what I hear from
other women who have been in my position not too long ago, everyone goes
through this trial period. It takes time to settle into living on this island.
It takes time to get used to all the quirkiness of Guam. It takes going out of
my comfort zone to make friends here. It takes going out of my comfort zone to
a whole new level. It takes doing things differently than I would have done
them before. It takes patience, optimism, and compromise to adjust to life
here. I might feel alone, but I am not alone in feeling this way. It takes
effort to be happy here. I am learning that I am very much in charge of my
happiness here. I will be completely miserable if I don’t take control of my
life and make some choices to find happiness here. I actually get angry with my
husband sometimes because I feel like the plane landed and he was already happy
here. I don’t know how he does that so naturally. One day at a time, I am working
on establishing a routine here in Guam that will make me happy.
I can do hard things! This is
what I tell Deliah when she gets frustrated with herself trying to roll over and
she gets tired. I need to take my own words to heart. I know so many people
were thrilled for us when we moved to Guam, viewing it as this complete paradise
where the sun shines all the time. I’m sure some people look at the beautifully
scenic pictures that we share and are maybe even a little envious of this opportunity.
I’m sure a few people will read this and have trouble being sympathetic to
someone that literally lives 5 minutes from the beach, woe is me right? Well I’m
not asking for sympathy. I merely just want to express that moving 6,000 miles
away to another country is a challenge. Some days I am so homesick for my
family back in CA. I miss all the wonderful friends that we had made in North
Carolina. I miss my puppy! I am jealous of all the Fall weather related
statuses, knowing that we have just two types of weather, humid or humid/rainy
at the same time. I hate knowing that as much as we have the desire to visit
plane tickets are just way too expensive. I hate not being able to share and
show off our pretty pretty baby, and know she will seem enormous to all our
families when they finally get to see her again. Some days I’m a little sad. Some
days the door to a kitchen cabinet literally falls on my head. True story. On
days like this my husband comes to the rescue. Some days all I need is a
tapioca bubble drink from Shinny’s, this cute little place up the street that
we’re totally hooked on. Other days I need longer pep talks and a reminder why
we moved here in the first place. Sometimes I need to view a sunset that looks
like it belongs on a postcard, or watch my baby splash happily in the ocean.
Whatever it is it helps me have good times here in Guam too.
Right now I’m going to take a
second and count a couple of our blessings in Guam. All our boxes arrived! This
one was a huge deal and even came a couple weeks earlier than expected. We have
more furniture now! We splurged and bought a bookshelf last night at Home
Depot, and slowly our home is getting more comfortable. We found a $5 movie
theatre. Seafood is really cheap, which is great because that’s about the only
thing that doesn’t cost you a kidney at the grocery store. We are never more
than five minutes from a refreshing bubble drink at Shinny’s. Glenn loves his
job. We found a loophole for texting free to the states and I’m now hooked on
WhatsApp. I have a cell phone now. We had a car. We had a car about a month
when the engine died, never to see another day. We were sold a lemon and I’m
sure the punk saw us suckers coming and laughed his way to the bank. The brightside,
this amazingly generous and kind family the Moore’s are letting us borrow their
spare truck while we figure out a more permanent solution to our car dilemma,
yet again. After going to a few different places we found a favorite beach
spot. We just watched General Conference and are feeling renewed and inspired
to improve ourselves and be happy! We are creating lots of memories. We have
the most precious daughter in the whole world! Deliah’s smile will always be my
happiness during the days the waters in Guam aren’t quite so calm. The photos are from one of my favorite days in Guam, and this spectacular beach spot we found!
