Fox's can do hard things.

A month has passed since I have given an update on life in Guam, and more importantly Deliah, I apologize! Deliah deserves a dedicated post so for now I will say that she has grown A LOT. Deliah started wearing her six month clothes at only three months. I have an ever-growing pile of clothes that she can no longer wear. Makes me a little sad. At the same time her personality is developing and she is so much FUN!!

I adore every moment at home with Deliah and being her Mom brings me tremendous joy. The ability to stay home with my baby is an absolute blessing and I thank God that financially that’s a possibility for us. My Mommy responsibilities are my number one priority and keep me plenty busy. However, in other areas of my life I am feeling unfulfilled. I feel bored with my life. I have struggled with these feelings before and something about being here in Guam has amplified them. I try to keep myself busy by being the perfect Miss Susie Homemaker. I cook scrumptious dinners, laundry is always done, house is clean, and now being a new Mommy I am there for Deliah’s every need. Somedays I literally spend all day holding my baby, and I am 100% ok with that. These days fly by way too fast as it is, and I never want to feel like anything is more important than snuggling my baby. In some ways I feel slightly guilty that being a ‘stay at home’ Mom isn’t enough to make me feel fulfilled.

What I feel like I am missing is something that I do just for me. I need a hobby. I need to start exercising again. I would love to do something with my journalism degree. It pains me to see all the debt I accumulated for a degree that is just sitting there unutilized. I need a change of scenery from the bland white walls inside our home. By the time the weekend rolls around I am practically begging my husband to entertain me and go sightseeing. It amazes me that even with how much time it takes caring for a baby, I still feel like I have way too much free time. I have watched way too much TV. I have been making a conscious effort lately to limit TV during the day and start reading more books. I got a library card and am pretty excited about it. As Arthur says, “Having fun isn’t hard when you got a library card!” I think what I am saying is that I have not been feeling like a very well-rounded person. I need something more so I don’t feel quite so lame. When my husband comes home from work and we talk about our day sometimes I literally have nothing better to say than that our baby finally pooped after three days. True story.

What I really need are friends! I have really gone out of my comfort zone to try and meet some people here. I am friends with people on Facebook that I have never even met! I have literally sent messages to potential friend material that sound like this…

“I just moved to this island with my husband and beautiful baby. Let’s be friends. So and so that we both know thought we would have a lot in common. Let’s be friends. You have young kids, I have a baby. Let’s be friends. Please please please. I know how to bake. Let’s be friends!”

Would you be my friend if I sent you this message? Normally these are friend of friend types and always accept my requests and are way nice because they understand. From what I hear from other women who have been in my position not too long ago, everyone goes through this trial period. It takes time to settle into living on this island. It takes time to get used to all the quirkiness of Guam. It takes going out of my comfort zone to make friends here. It takes going out of my comfort zone to a whole new level. It takes doing things differently than I would have done them before. It takes patience, optimism, and compromise to adjust to life here. I might feel alone, but I am not alone in feeling this way. It takes effort to be happy here. I am learning that I am very much in charge of my happiness here. I will be completely miserable if I don’t take control of my life and make some choices to find happiness here. I actually get angry with my husband sometimes because I feel like the plane landed and he was already happy here. I don’t know how he does that so naturally. One day at a time, I am working on establishing a routine here in Guam that will make me happy.

I can do hard things! This is what I tell Deliah when she gets frustrated with herself trying to roll over and she gets tired. I need to take my own words to heart. I know so many people were thrilled for us when we moved to Guam, viewing it as this complete paradise where the sun shines all the time. I’m sure some people look at the beautifully scenic pictures that we share and are maybe even a little envious of this opportunity. I’m sure a few people will read this and have trouble being sympathetic to someone that literally lives 5 minutes from the beach, woe is me right? Well I’m not asking for sympathy. I merely just want to express that moving 6,000 miles away to another country is a challenge. Some days I am so homesick for my family back in CA. I miss all the wonderful friends that we had made in North Carolina. I miss my puppy! I am jealous of all the Fall weather related statuses, knowing that we have just two types of weather, humid or humid/rainy at the same time. I hate knowing that as much as we have the desire to visit plane tickets are just way too expensive. I hate not being able to share and show off our pretty pretty baby, and know she will seem enormous to all our families when they finally get to see her again. Some days I’m a little sad. Some days the door to a kitchen cabinet literally falls on my head. True story. On days like this my husband comes to the rescue. Some days all I need is a tapioca bubble drink from Shinny’s, this cute little place up the street that we’re totally hooked on. Other days I need longer pep talks and a reminder why we moved here in the first place. Sometimes I need to view a sunset that looks like it belongs on a postcard, or watch my baby splash happily in the ocean. Whatever it is it helps me have good times here in Guam too.

Right now I’m going to take a second and count a couple of our blessings in Guam. All our boxes arrived! This one was a huge deal and even came a couple weeks earlier than expected. We have more furniture now! We splurged and bought a bookshelf last night at Home Depot, and slowly our home is getting more comfortable. We found a $5 movie theatre. Seafood is really cheap, which is great because that’s about the only thing that doesn’t cost you a kidney at the grocery store. We are never more than five minutes from a refreshing bubble drink at Shinny’s. Glenn loves his job. We found a loophole for texting free to the states and I’m now hooked on WhatsApp. I have a cell phone now. We had a car. We had a car about a month when the engine died, never to see another day. We were sold a lemon and I’m sure the punk saw us suckers coming and laughed his way to the bank. The brightside, this amazingly generous and kind family the Moore’s are letting us borrow their spare truck while we figure out a more permanent solution to our car dilemma, yet again. After going to a few different places we found a favorite beach spot. We just watched General Conference and are feeling renewed and inspired to improve ourselves and be happy! We are creating lots of memories. We have the most precious daughter in the whole world! Deliah’s smile will always be my happiness during the days the waters in Guam aren’t quite so calm. The photos are from one of my favorite days in Guam, and this spectacular beach spot we found!

The first two weeks.

First off, I need to say what a labor of love this post is. Last night I was making zucchini pancakes for dinner. I just finished commenting how much I love our new cheese grader because it’s so sharp and makes the process so easy. Not even 60 seconds later I grade off my fingers instead of the zucchini. My husband ran to the store, bought me princess band-aids, and forced me to eat a Twix because he was worried I was going to pass out. It was a lot of blood. Thanks to my kind husband and the healing powers of princess band-aids I’m going to live, but am now afraid of our VERY sharp cheese grader. Anyway, when you’re missing the top of your fingers it hinders your typing capabilities.  

Now for our first two weeks in Guam. Guam is absolutely breathtaking and much prettier than I imagined it would be. We have been able to do some sightseeing and the more we see the more we like. When I first arrived on the island we had a date night at Hard Rock Café Guam. I’m really interested in knowing peoples stories of what brought them to the island, especially the white people who aren’t military, people like us. Our server Patrick began saving money at 16 to come here and surf with his best friend, who happened to be Chamorro but never been to Guam. As an 18 year old surf rat he came and never left, traveled, married, had kids, started a business, was happy. It’s always comforting to hear people’s positive opinions of the island. I talk to people and they either love it or hate it on Guam, no in between. I’m hoping we love it. Hard Rock is part of the main tourist strip and has lots of shopping. There were so many cute clothing stores, erasing any fear that the only place to shop here was the World’s largest Kmart. It’s funny how some of the stores are organized. They will have one rack of clothes that’s Abercrombie, one rack that’s American Eagle, Hollister, Victoria’s Secret, etc… all in the same store. There were lots of cute local shops too and I’m excited to wear skirts and maxi dresses to my heart’s content, since it’s humid all the time.

A recommendation of somewhere we had to visit was Two Lovers Point. It’s the best place on the entire island to watch the sunset. There is a story about two star crossed lovers, whose families didn’t approve of the relationship so they tie their hair together and jump off a cliff to their death. It’s basically Guam’s Romeo and Juliet. You have the most incredible view of the entire island and the colors of the sunset were beautiful. I envision lots of future sunset watching here.

Talofofo Falls was another recommendation, so last weekend we packed up our baby in the Bjorn and some sunscreen to spend the day swimming at a waterfall and swan diving off the top and stuff like that. We were lucky to get here because of downed power lines blocking the road, and when we did it was pouring down rain. One thing I have learned is that it rains, every single day, off and on, all day long. It’s not like the rain is cold so there is no reason to avoid it or change your plans because of it. I love the rain, and here you’re hot and sweaty all the time anyway so why not throw in a little rain. The sunscreen was unnecessary, but mosquito repellent absolutely was, so of course we had none with us. Little did we realize that what we were actually doing was taking a gondola ride into the jungle, with Glenn whistling the music to Jurassic Park on our way down. Luckily, the one other person there was an always prepared Japanese tourist who sprayed us down with something from a tiny brown bottle. Which I hoped was bug repellent, but I literally had 50 bites at the end of the day so who knows. The waterfalls were picturesque and beautiful, of course, who doesn’t love a waterfall? Seriously though we were in paradise! We had the best day walking along paths surrounded by cascading waterfalls, lush jungle, across suspension bridges, up and down steps that become really treacherous when muddy and wet and you are wearing sandals. We saw Yokoi’s cave, a Japanese soldier who sought refuge and built a simple three foot cave in which to hide. His resourcefulness was so great that he was able to stay alive in the jungle and the conclusion of WW2 went unnoticed for 28 years! Glenn with reckless abandon ignored all the signs about no swimming and jumped in the water. We concluded our day with a walk through Loveland, an exotic statue park with men and women in scandalous positions and statues of dogs in overalls. Ummm...yeah. Kind of interesting to have at a waterfall park and made me blush deeply walking through something like this. Overall we were sticky, dirty, mosquito bitten messes by the end, but had a fun and enjoyable day taking lots of pretty pictures and family videos.

I know it appears to be all life is perfect but my emotions have been on an up and down roller coaster. I love visiting all the pretty places, but I feel at times like I’m on vacation not actually living here. I snapped the other day when I was making dinner and we had no can opener, and no way to reach my husband, and no car, and I had to stop cooking in the middle. It’s frustrating when you’re accustomed to having a kitchen full of everything you need to having only a couple miscellaneous items.  I’m frustrated because we still don’t have a majority of our stuff. We don’t want to go out and purchase items that we know are on a boat somewhere and will reach us eventually, hopefully, who really knows? The shipping situation here is a nightmare! I shipped a box filled with all of Deliah’s baby stuff, swing, bath, bumbo, etc… and was told it would take two weeks. When I get here I learned that our home address isn’t actually the shipping address. There is no mail delivery system here, so you can’t get mail direct to your home. Most people have P.O. Boxes, but we’re allowed to use the University address and ship to Glenn’s office and that’s what I needed to use. We Wanted to stop the post office before they ship the box back to the states so Glenn goes into the post office with the tracking number. I was told wrong information when I shipped the box and turns out when you ship a box standard mail it goes on a boat and takes 6-8 weeks!! That’s a big freaking difference. In addition to all Deliah’s stuff two other boxes were shipped standard mail with basically everything we decided we were taking with us to Guam, which wasn’t much to begin with. What did reach us were the three very small boxes that shipped priority. Thank goodness we have some pans, cookie sheets, a kitchen mat, and Settlers of Catan. Really though, 6-8 weeks of no Catan really would have been tragic. 

I get frustrated by my lack of cell phone, and wish there was a simple affordable option here that I can call and text to the states. So far Skype, Facebook messages and e-mails have been a huge blessing! But when you’re used to having a cell phone and suddenly don’t you feel like you’re living in the Stone Ages. I especially hate not being able to reach Glenn during the day, especially if there were some kind of emergency where I might need him. We do however have a landline, which I jump up and get really excited every time that rings. I freaked out when I saw a cockroach scurry across our bedroom floor and now open the door with caution every time. I actually like all the geckos we have though, and appreciate that they eat any bugs. I think they are so cute and I’m fascinated by how fast they scurry around on the walls. I am saddened by how difficult us moving to Guam still is for my Mom, and hope that time will heal.

I really am trying my absolute best to keep everyone updated on our lives. I feel so loved with the vast support we have received from so many. Each time I open Facebook I have kind messages from friends just wanting to check in and see how we are adjusting to life in Guam. Thanks for not forgetting us a million miles away over here! Like I have said before, I was extremely apprehensive about this move, I have doubted that this was the right decision, but I am hopeful! I am hopeful that we love it, and believe that life is full of hard choices and this is where we need to be right now. For whatever reasons we may not understand yet, I believe there is purpose behind this journey.

 

Two Lovers Point

 

 

 

Fire in the sky.

 

Wild boar hanging out in the parking lot. Not strange at all here.

The Fox's at Talofofo Falls.

Coconut on a ledge.

I LOVE this picture.

We're in Jurrasic Park for sure. We found prints as proof!



I think the above ground root systems on these trees are neat.



The Guam Chapters.

A while back I wrote that Glenn had a job interview with the University of Guam. I wrote about the fear and anxiety that just the interview brought me, and the heartache that was sure to come with living so far away from our families. Well, Glenn was offered the job. We woke up on day two of our journey back West this summer to an offer and a five day timeline to decide. Good thing we were in the middle of a five day car trip to agonize over this decision. For the first time in our two years of marriage we were split on our choice. Not just an I don’t really care, I could go either way, you choose, kind of split either. Like, I was an adamant this move terrifies me. Glenn really wanted the job, the only thing holding him back was me. Ultimately Glenn accepted the job, and we are now in Guam. It broke my heart not to be unified on this decision and have to admit created a rift between us. I know in my heart why Glenn accepted this position. I understand that it was more than chasing his career dreams, but wanting to be a good provider for his wife and baby. I trust that Guam could be a really good thing for us, I just so wished another closer job surfaced instead.

All summer I never really relaxed about the move. I was confident that the Universe was fighting against us and all the preparations we needed to make. There are so many complications that come with moving to another country! And we still have loose ends in California. For starters we needed to figure out what to do with all our stuff. What to bring, what to sell, what to store? We tried having two garage sales. My parents live directly across the street from a very popular soccer park, and the two Saturdays we sit outside, empty! Sign? We also had two cars that we were trying to sell and some larger furniture items on Craigslist. I swear every time we were in talks with someone and they were for sure coming with money to pick it up disaster strikes. These are some of my favorite excuses for why people never showed. I lost my phone. My car was stolen that morning. My daughter was in a car accident and lost her spleen. What the heck?!

The most difficult preparation came with trying to get our dogs to Guam. There is a vast checklist of shots, blood work, and paperwork that needs to be done, and a lot of money. We made the difficult decision to leave Lexi with my Grandma, who we knew would do nothing but sit there and give her attention 24/7. We did all the necessary vet work with Rocky and thought we were good to go. I stayed in California an additional two weeks after Glenn already left for Guam so that we could wait out the processing times on Rocky’s blood work and avoid a long quarantine when we arrived in Guam. The next hurdle came with the airlines. We were told by the airlines that Rocky wasn’t allowed to fly in cabin and would need to fly with their Petsafe program. This made me very nervous! I hated the idea of my dog flying in cargo and worried about the trauma that might cause him. When it came time to make his reservation I found out that Rocky wouldn’t be on any of the same flights as me. First off I was on an express flight, and dogs flying internationally with Petsafe aren’t allowed on express flights. Second, Rocky would need a quarantine in Hawaii. Meaning, Rocky would miss my flight to Guam and need to fly out on a different flight. Also, lots more money! I hate United Airlines! I hate that they made it virtually impossible to bring my dog with me. It broke my heart to leave Rocky with my parents. It broke my heart when my Dad told me that Rocky sat outside the door to the room we stayed in all summer just waiting for us. It makes my eyes watery just thinking about it. I’m grateful my parents love him too, and know they will take care of him. I just miss him a lot!

The most difficult aspect of moving to Guam was Deliah. Not just the fact that United Airlines once again made me their enemy. I had to pay an ‘infant tax’ just to bring my baby with me. The woman on the phone seriously posed it to me like this, ‘well if you want to bring your baby you need to pay’. Like it was actually a choice. United Airlines is a bunch of heartless people! What tore me up inside were the feelings that I was taking this beautiful baby away from so many that love her. I love my family and want them to have a relationship with Deliah. She is growing so fast and will be so different when they get to see her again. All summer I felt like I was on borrowed time. I view the two months we spent in CA as a gift. A way that everyone we love could meet our baby and bond with her. But, it was always in the back of my mind that this was all temporary. I know I will never be able to send enough pictures and Skype long enough to satisfy my families desire to see her.

Finally, I make it to the airport, accompanied by my entire family. After a really sad goodbye Deliah and I arrive at our gate. Flight delayed an unknown amount of time. Really, why did everything about this move have to be so gosh dang stressful?! I only had a 1 ½ hour layover so the woman at the counter set about booking me backup flights. She wanted to put me on a one way to Honolulu, skipping San Francisco all together. I was rejected by Hawaiian Airlines for this flight because I didn’t have a passport. A passport to fly to Hawaii? Why even consider it one of the 50 states? Anyway, my flight to SF departs exactly 1 ½ late. I make it to my gate for my next flight literally as the doors are closing. When I arrived in SF and asked what gate I needed to be at, a nice man escorted me all the way there when he learned it was already boarding. He began swiftly walking and then quickly turned into a brisk jog. Him pushing my stroller and me jogging besides carrying my baby in the Bjorn. I made my flight, and honestly from here on out traveling was easy. Deliah was a travel delight. In three flights she never cried, not even a whimper. I was worried the air pressure would bother her and she would be fussy. I was worried she would have a massive poop blowout, because such is my luck. Nope. She was a gem! I think I deserved this because the idea of traveling alone for almost a full day, with a newborn, all alone, made me a little nervous. I had to laugh because after three flights with a happy baby, she screamed the second we got in the car leaving the Guam airport.

Now the real adventures begin. All summer I felt like we were sacrificing so much, and waiting impatiently for things to get easier. All summer I hated anytime someone said the word adventure to me. All summer I was so unenthusiastic about this move. Don’t get me wrong, I am not planning on being miserable while I’m here. I am hopeful that this will be a positive experience for us. I am excited about traveling somewhere new. I am hopeful that when we look back on these Guam chapters one day they will be filled with wonderful new friends and fun stories. Stay tuned.

 

Deliah's first time on an airplane!

Perfect travel baby!

Deliah watching Free Willy on the Kindle during one of our flights.

A Daddy happy to see his baby again after two long weeks.



Fox's together again!

 

Why can’t my baby stay tiny forever?!

Where did the last 7 ½ weeks go? Yesterday my eyes were opened for the first time to the fact that my newborn baby is no longer a newborn, she is an infant. My family members have all been commenting for a few weeks now how she is getting bigger. At church yesterday lots of women were commenting on Deliah’s rubber band rolls on her arms and legs. I have been in Mommy denial. I want my baby to stay tiny forever! Is that too much to ask? You think I would have realized this sooner. There were signs. When one of my favorite outfits on her became a belly shirt. When sleep nighties that used to cover her feet now only cover to her knees. When she switched from newborn diapers to size one diapers. How she holds her head up like it’s no big deal. How she is trying to stand up, to which I reply that is absolutely not allowed! She is no longer my narcoleptic little baby who fell asleep in the blink of an eye, now she is kind of stubborn and will fight her naps. When I take her to the Pediatrician and the stats prove she has grown.

13 July 2013: 3 weeks

9 pounds 6.5 ounces
21 inches long

8 August 2013: 6 weeks

10 pounds 13 ounces – 73 percentile
22 ¼ inches long – 79 percentile
37.5 cm head – 62 percentile

Some more Deliah tidbits…

I really enjoy the bonding time with my baby while I breastfeed her. Deliah eats like a champion. She is the happiest baby until she thinks she is starving. It’s a very small window when she wakes up to when she likes her boob time.

Deliah let’s her Mom and Dad sleep a solid 4 hour stretch at night. Sometimes Deliah wants to have an awake party in the night, but 90% of the time she eats and promptly goes back to sleep. I’m actually real alert during her 3:00 A.M. feeding. I like reading my favorite blogs at this time. It’s when I’m awake again at 6:00 that I feel sleepy.  

This girl loves her baths, and I mean LOVE! Her first bath was quite the event in this house and we had 5 people all gathered around the kitchen sink wanting to be a part of it. She loves to be sprayed and just soak in the water. She only gets sad when we take her out. I see hours of bubble bath time fun in this babe’s future.

Deliah has a lot of awake time during the day. She will just stare right at you now when you talk to her.

Deliah is so SMILEY! I love how she would have spontaneous smiles when asleep, and now it’s a lot while she is awake.

The hiccup monster comes and visits her every day. Her Daddy thinks holding her upside down is the key to getting rid of them.

She absolutely hates it when she is gassy.

She is the MOST LOVED BABY in the world. Who knew that people would jump up to be the privileged one to change her poopy diaper.

She is told she is pretty over 1,000 times every day!

I’m a little sad at how fast the days are going by. You are warned, but it’s the absolute truth. Each time I hold her, bathe her, watch her sleep, put on a cute outfit, I want to capture that moment. She has to be the most photographed baby ever! Deliah’s giggles, coos, and pretty face melts her Momma’s heart on a daily basis. Someone please freeze the clock and let me enjoy this time forever!



Day 3 of life.

Look at those arm rolls!

My happy girl :-)

I can't hide from the proof!