2 years wedded, 8 months pregnant.

May 27, 2013 - 2 years down and I still love Glenn Fox with all my heart, and know I will forever and ever. Sadly, I wasn’t in the best mood morning of anniversary. Now I fear Glenn thinks I have really high anniversary expectations. In reality, sometimes it’s just really hard for me to be poor and we had to cancel our fancy date plans due to lack of funds. Makes me sound snobby and spoiled I know. Maybe my emotions are partially due to the fact that I’m pregnant? To be fair, I am eight months pregnant, and we had planned on getting a couples massage and I wanted it desperately. In an effort to cheer me up Glenn has us take turns sharing favorite memories from the last year. So many of our favorites were the same, and I realized just how much we have been able to do over the past year. Finding out that I was pregnant and seeing our baby girl on the ultrasound for the first time was #1! This little activity also made me realize how much more I feel like an adult than I did when we were first married. We have had to make so many difficult life decisions, and we did that together. I am proud of us and how our marriage has grown so much stronger.  

In ten months of living here we still had not visited Duke. We only pass by the exit weekly on our way to church too. I wanted a pretty place to take anniversary photos/8 month photos, so we decided on going to the Duke Gardens. We went inside the famous Duke Chapel and walked down into the crypt. I always have to take pictures of places like that for my mother. As we were finding our way to the Gardens we happened to walk past the Duke War Memorial. Perfect since today also happened to be Memorial Day. The Gardens were lovely, and had so many scenic backdrops. I love touring new places and doing photo shoots so my mood lifted quickly. I wish we had come to visit the Gardens sooner because they are gorgeous and there is so much to see that I just did not feeling like walking on a warm day at eight months pregnant. 

The rest of our day was pretty relaxed. We spent the late afternoon inside enjoying the AC and watching some Netflix. That night some friends invited us over for a BBQ. It wound up being a wonderful anniversary. I am forever grateful that we were married on Memorial Day weekend and I will never have to worry about not getting to spend the day with my husband. Just an entire day together is a blessing in itself, and makes me a happy girl. Glenn Fox, I love you. I am over the moon ecstatic to start raising our daughter together in just one month!

 

 

A rant.

May 30, 2013 - Sometimes I just need to write out my feelings in a good stress-relieving rant! I hate, and I really mean HATE our complex. When we first moved here I was happy to have the extra space, an extra bedroom, a patio to barbecue, and my personal favorite a washer and dryer! My initial optimism for a brief period overshadowed all the other problems: very thin walls, cheap finishings, a promised dog park covered in broken glass, a gym that has one working piece of equipment, and less than stellar management who care about none of this. My frustrations towards living here increasingly grew over the past almost year, until about two weeks ago when I hit my breaking point. I am done. I want out. I want out yesterday! 

Breaking point #1 – Our scooter, our beloved scooter “Freedom” was stolen. Stolen straight off our back patio on Mother’s Day! I am a paranoid person when it comes to safety; I’m always triple checking locked doors and closed curtains when we go to bed at night. Glenn thinks I’m crazy. Glenn assures me that poor people don’t steal from other poor people. They know that if they want nice things they need to go outside of their own neighborhood. Lies!! This theory was disproved when someone stole our scooter! I feel violated. I loathe this person. I hope karma finds them. The next morning I inform the management. Their response, “This can happen anywhere.” No apologies. No nothing. I file a police report. I spend hours calling every repair shop, auto shop, and pawn shop I can find to keep an eye out for this criminal. I received a letter in the mail a few days ago from the police, ‘we are unable to develop a suspect or any significant leads’. I’m not surprised, I know Freedom is long gone, but I dream of seeing Freedom on the road and running this criminal down. I mean really it goes 35 MPH, struggles with uphill, and the thief has no car. It wasn’t fancy, but it was mine. 

Breaking point #2 – We live next door to a psychotic woman, a woman who ran out of medication, a woman doing some hard corps drugs that are messing with her mind, a woman who should be in a room with padded walls, all of the above?! I wouldn’t normally care about her business until three times in one week she comes over and harasses me. I’m talking yelling, swearing, kicking our door, banging on our kitchen window with a stick, craziness! The first time this happened I was outside sanding and had music playing inside on the computer. She comes over completely irrational and out of control and didn’t want to hear that I’ll turn it off, she just wanted to scream and swear. The second time I have music playing on the computer while I’m cleaning the kitchen, I can’t even hear it over the water running. The walls are pounding, she is kicking at our door, and blaming me that her son woke up from his nap. I try to reason with her, explain that I hear her as well and that’s what happens when you share very thin walls. I know when you yell at your child, talk on the phone, watch TV, listen to your gangsta rap, wash your dishes, turn on the washing machine, take a shower, and flush your dang toilet too. So deal.  Ok so I didn’t run down the list, just merely stated that I hear her too and choose to suck it up, more trashy language and I shut the door in her face. You can’t reason with a crazy woman! That day I filed a complaint with management and they promised to speak with her and said she would no longer be allowed to come to my door. I also learned that they have had previous chats with her about acceptable noise already when she complained about a different neighbor. Management came, heard nothing. The next day, the third and final time, luckily Glenn was home to firsthand witness the crazy. We were watching a show on the computer, about 9:30 there is kicking at the door. It seriously sounds like someone is trying to break into our house, we have physical footprints on our door. Final straw, we call the cops. While we’re sitting and waiting for the cops to come she comes back and starts banging on the kitchen window with a stick, we’re just sitting and talking mind you. We call the cops again. Finally they arrive 45 minutes later and have a chat with our crazy lady. I tell the cop that this has damaged my sense of safety and security during the day when my husband isn’t home. Also each time this happens I become all shaky and my heart rate skyrockets and I was really concerned about stressing my baby. The cop tells me, if it happens again to call the cops, we have guns, and it will result in trespassing and a warrant. I felt better with some weaponry on my side. I found it interesting when I informed management the situation escalated that they had two conversations earlier that day and yet she chose to ignore the warnings. I was thinking about how in ten months of living next to these people our habits have not changed. If anything we cancelled our cable and our projector died so we watch far less of anything. Some sort of crazy switch must have flipped on in this woman. Part of me would love to see her spend a night in prison, but no incidents since we called the cops and that’s good too. 

Breaking point #3 – I’m upstairs when barking dogs alert me to something that I couldn’t hear. I come downstairs to find a massive flood that I can’t see the extent of from where I’m stuck on the stairs. I run upstairs and grab some towels to swish around on and dry up the mess. I notice the toilet is completely to the brim and spontaneously overflowed. I call management, they will send someone over. I learn that the sewage to the building had gone out and caused the spill. Yep, it was nasty, smelly, chunky sewage  water that flooded the bathroom, hallway to the front door, and just barely into the living room. For the next two hours we have repairmen knocking on the front door, back door, walking in and out, doing toilet checks over and over, and each time making the dogs bark like crazy. Our house was smelly, I had a headache, and my Dad got me all nervous about ingesting airborne spores. I was not a very happy girl when Glenn walked in the door. He immediately recognizes the signs of a girl in desperate need of some frozen yogurt and fresh air. He knows me well! A cleaning lady did come two days later to clean the floors, but only after I informed them that at over eight months pregnant I am not scrubbing our floors to clean up a mess that wasn’t my fault.  

What a crazy two weeks it has been! We told management that we will be gone by the end of July. We still have no official plans for where we will be living. All I know is we’re relieved to be saying good riddance to this place. Now we just pray every single day that we will catch a break and some good news will come our way.

I can't control the Universe?

May 15, 2013 - I have always been the personality type where I am more comfortable with a plan, schedule, to-do list, oh how I love making lists. I love that satisfying accomplished feeling of checking something off and being productive. I start to feel anxiety when my life is up in the air and I have zero control over when, what, or where the next step is. Unfortunately I can’t just make an outline or a list to calm all my anxiety right now. Maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones that are making me a little extra emotional and sensitive lately? Although I do feel like I have legitimate reasons to be feeling this way lately.

Glenn’s searching for a new job. In the last two years we have lived in California, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, and we will add location #5 to this list very shortly. Glenn has officially resigned his job at Riverside High School. Only this time it’s slightly different. We’re leaving with no plan. Yep we’re insane, but after much conversation and prayer and tears, we simply can’t stay. You may not understand. You may wonder why? Why another move? Why so close to having a baby? Why can’t you stay happy with a job very long? Why are you such gypsies? Why, why, why? What an outsider perspective on our life may not realize is that each move has been better for us in every way, better job, better pay, better apartment, just better, but not where we want to be. So Glenn continues looking and each time he gathers more knowledge and experience from his current job, and gets a little closer to that dream college teaching job in the dream location. Closer, baby steps closer, but I am ready for a leap!

Honestly, it’s not another move that concerns me, we desperately want to move, and hopefully somewhere on the West Coast closer to our families. What I struggle with is the job searching process. It takes forever. Patience is a virtue I severely lack. This time the process is proving drastically more challenging for me because we will have a newborn baby that needs consideration. Our past moves have involved very short notice! Sometimes the interviews don’t start coming until late into the summer, and living in anticipation with a baby makes me really anxious. Also, I don’t know if I have it in me to just pick up and settle down anywhere again? I want a move that sticks! I want a move where we live within a day’s driving distance of our families so that they have a relationship with our daughter. I want to move, but I have more stipulations for this particular move than I have in the past. I want it to feel right. Glenn assures me that as long as we’re together with our baby girl and our puppies then that’s what matters. I know he’s right. I just want the world right now. I don’t want to have to wait another year, two years, five years, ten years, to reach that dream job in its dream location. Am I asking too much?!

So far Glenn has had two job interviews. We had a discussion about applying to jobs West Coast specific so imagine my surprise when Glenn gets an interview in Wingate, NC, and wait for it….GUAM! Glenn told me he was actually fearful what my reaction would be to Guam. Well, it involved tears and lots of reason why not. Glenn loves the idea of Island life and thinks it would work wonders for my stress levels. Glenn absolutely loves the position too, like he could see himself being happy there for years. Guam for years?! The thought just makes me so emotional because I really struggle with the distance from my family. I love my parents tremendously but they also make me feel tremendously guilty sometimes for living far away. A guilt that’s increased when I hear comments about how they fear having no involvement in baby girl’s life, and she will only know her flat Grandparents on the computer. I can’t even say the word Guam without my Mom crying. It breaks my heart! I also feel that by not giving considerable thought to a position that my husband absolutely 100% loves is unfair to him, and then I feel like a terrible wife. So basically I just feel constantly guilty! Oi! Right now Guam seems the most interested in Glenn and we also need to consider the fact that once the school year ends Glenn is essentially jobless, no more paychecks coming our way, and we will have a baby!! Oi again! The rational and emotional sides of me don’t get along very well, and lately the emotional side of me is winning. Here I am, a girl who thrives off of having a routine and a game plan, attempting to be patient and calm, during a very nerve-wracking time in anyone’s life, and our lives are one fatty floating question mark right now. 

34 weeks.

Just six more weeks and we get to meet our little girl! As Mothers Day came and went this past week I thought so much about what it will mean to be a Mother to this sweet daughter of mine. I recognize that I am already providing for her in so many ways right now, and already feel like a Momma. I know that feeling will intensify when she is here and I get to hold her in my arms, and squeeze her tight, and love on her! Since I’m only a soon to be Momma right now I wasn’t really expecting anything this Mother’s Day. One of a million reasons I love my husband, Glenn took me out to an Ihop breakfast on Saturday, bought me a balance ball to stretch my pregnant body, and made a pasta creation dinner for me on Sunday. It was nice to feel appreciated for carrying this baby. 

I am looking more pregnant. For the longest time I thought I was really showing and I guess my belly was more subtle than I thought. Now it’s very obvious. I can’t go anywhere without someone commenting on my baby belly. When we were at Ihop the greeter kept saying to us, ‘you mean table for three’, like he was so clever. People are constantly telling me that I look amazing, from the back I don’t look pregnant at all, that I’m all belly, and it’s all very flattering so thank you. There was only one instance where someone thought the opposite and guessed I was actually more pregnant. A woman in my Pilates class complimented me for still coming at 8 months pregnant, I was only 6 ½ months pregnant at the time. I’m feeling good, and don’t mind that my belly has taken over since it means my baby is healthy and growing. I am really feeling the much more obvious belly. This baby girl is getting heavy and I have to stick pillows underneath my belly to support the weight and be more comfortable. Now that she’s a lot bigger, she is a lot stronger too. Oh my she is strong! Sometimes my belly literally bulges out where she is moving. Now that baby is sticking out further, I drip toothpaste on my shirt practically every time I brush my teeth. I love my stomach at this stage though. I am always trying to figure out what position baby girl is in, sometimes my whole stomach is all lopsided from how she is positioned, and I’m always resting my hands on the top of my belly and rubbing my belly.  

With looking more pregnant comes feeling more pregnant. In the past couple weeks I have had my first experiences with Braxton Hicks contractions. The first time they happened took me by surprise and I thought it was kind of early. The pain wasn’t unbearable but they lasted for a long time and I just need to sit or lay down. The next time I recognized the tightening in my stomach immediately for what it was. I am in awe of my body, how it’s taking care of this baby so far, and now preparing itself for delivery. This is truly what my body was built to do. I am learning to respect that my little pregnant body does have limitations and I can’t do things like I normally would. The dresser flipping business is in full swing, and the other day I spent three hours hunched over sanding. Not my brightest idea considering I could barely move my back afterwards. Now I’m trying to listen to my body, take longer breaks, or quit for the day if necessary. This past weekend we ran a lot of errands, and I was standing and walking around a lot. It was the first time my feet have really been sore, and Glenn thought my ankles were a tiny bit swollen too. I’m just hoping my feet will hold up for the 5k we’re signed up to do in three weeks. A 5k at over 37 weeks, am I crazy?! I will probably be walk/waddling at that point but I’m really motivated to do it even if I’m super slow. I have so much faith in the power of stretching, and that’s when my body feels its best. Glenn will help push me into deeper stretches that I couldn’t do on my own, and always reminds me to breathe. I know he will be an excellent breathing coach when I am in labor. I always sleep so much better on the nights we do our couple stretching. One night Glenn was really sore from running and I offered to help stretch him out as well. His facial expressions looked like he was agony, I think he may have shed a tear, or peed a little in the process, I couldn’t help laughing. I’m also loving and already using my balance ball all the time, I just know we will be best friends the rest of this pregnancy.

 

The only part of this pregnancy I’m uneasy about is the when? I actually asked my Doctor if she would guarantee me that this baby will come on her due date. She basically just laughed at my request and told me all the reasons that’s not a possibility. With all sincerity though, I wasn’t joking. I want this baby girl to come when she feels ready. I want to be flexible when it comes to the labor and delivery, and not be upset if baby girl doesn’t come according to my plans. I just really would love for my Mother to be there. It’s so hard to coordinate when she should fly here from California when babies are so unpredictable, early, on time, late, who knows? Honestly it is stressing me out. It may sound silly but I’m feeling pressure to have her at the ‘right time’ so that my mom doesn’t miss it. Glenn has to constantly remind me that I can’t control the Universe! He has been an amazing comfort, and I’m so grateful for the balance he brings to our marriage and my semi crazy tendencies. I know we will be the perfect team when it comes to raising our daughter!

 

Mother's Day photo shoot at 33 weeks, 3 days.

Puppy Mom and soon to be human Mom!

I love the way the sun is hitting and we look like glowing parents to be.

Soccer throwback.

In an effort to conquer a nasty virus that had overtaken my computer, I did a thorough clean-up of everything that was on there. While doing so I came across some photo gems from the years that I played soccer. I played soccer for 5 years during my elementary school years. To be honest I was never any good. My parents would bribe me with a brand new Barbie if I scored a goal during the game. I never did get that Barbie. When I would play on defense I would actually sit down on the field and pick weed flowers and stick them in my hair. Luckily I got slightly more athletic as I got older, but still just as girly as ever! Glenn was ecstatic to see pictures of me at this age. He said he hopes baby girl is half as cute as I was at this age. He is nice considering one of the photos I straight up vomited before our team photo.

 

1995.




1995. I played with the Hornets for two years. I would get a special ordered trophy with a girl on top. We never lost a game - I'm sure no thanks to my skills, but I loved it! My Daddy is the assistant coach in the yellow.




1996. Pigtail braids and bangs. I pretty much owned this look until I started high school.



1997.



1997.

 

 

Dexter.

Wednesday night I was having unpleasant spasms in my buttocks. Possibly another pregnancy symptom I didn’t know about. We didn’t go to the gym like we normally do for this reason. Instead, I was attempting to remove the nasty virus that had locked down my laptop, Rocky was staring out the window, and Glenn was relaxing on the couch unwinding from work. Rocky barks at something out the window. Not unusual, I don’t even look. Glenn looks up, asks me, where is Lexi? She was sitting right next to me. He suddenly jumps up because he had just seen a small, soaking wet, Lexi-ish type dog sitting on our back patio. The dog had run off to the neighbors back porch, where two neighbor kids had also spotted him, and he was huddled back in a corner, completely terrified, freezing, drenched, dirty, and the saddest little puppy you ever did see. Glenn picks him up and starts to warm him up in a towel and we attempt to feed him and give him some water. He is so tiny but uninterested in eating. He later vomits twice so I think he was just so nervous. The dog has a collar, but no tags. It’s after 7:00 and the front office of our complex is closed so we know he will be spending the night. We bring him inside and Glenn holds puppy no name for a while until we introduce him to Rocky and Lexi. Puppy no name is filthy so Glenn gives all three dogs a bath at once. We all start to become friends and settle in for a family movie night. By this point we had started calling puppy no name Dexter, because seriously a dog needs a real name. Dex was not the best at calming down for a movie. By this point we discovered Dex wasn’t neutered and all he wanted was some sweet lovin from Rocky. Glenn had to restrain Dex in his arms to get him to leave poor Rocky alone. When it came time for bed, Lexi hid under our bed, Rocky attempted to hide under a pile of three blankets, but Dex knew he was there, and we finally had to put Dex in a crate for the night.  

Morning comes. Glenn is able to feed Dex a string cheese, so at least he wouldn’t be starving anymore. I go up to the front office and report our found dog, hoping he belongs to someone in our complex. Of course it wasn’t that easy. He didn’t belong to anyone in the complex across the street either. Dexter where did you come from?! Someone gave you that tag-less collar, horribly home-done haircut, and must be missing you. Dexter spends the day with us and has started to get comfortable in our home, smushing down the throw pillows to lay on like our dogs, cuddling, getting in some good playtime with our puppies, and only occasionally trying to torment Rocky. Progress, but we definitely can’t keep him. Fate intervened. Glenn had talked to our neighbor the night before and asked if he recognized Dex. No, but his poodle Cosmo had just died after ten years of owning him. He said he wasn’t planning on a new dog so soon, but maybe this was fate, and he was willing to take Dex if we couldn’t find the owners. So that night Dex goes to live with John in his new home.  

Morning comes again. Glenn kisses a still in bed me goodbye, and who is he holding in his arms, Dexter! John was worried about leaving him home alone already and asked if he could stay with me and our dogs for the day. Right now I am typing on the couch and have three puppies curled up to me on the couch. I’m feeling the love. I’m grateful for my butt spasms. I think about how we wouldn’t have normally been home, and who knows what would have happened to this sweet little puppy. It breaks my heart to think how long he could have been wandering alone outside. I’m grateful to John for wanting Dexter. I’m sure his Cosmo is enjoying puppy Heaven. Lesson learned: We will be purchasing tags for our puppies currently tag-less collars this weekend. Also, Glenn and I can’t resist rescuing a stray puppy. This is not the first time.

Becoming friends.

Dexter.

We're having a baby next month, hopefully.

Dear Baby D!

Some people are trying to convince me that you will most likely come late. My Mother thinks the world will be celebrating your arrival with fireworks on the 4th of July. I don’t believe them. I am getting a teensy bit impatient to meet you and am optimistic that you will be cooperative and come right on your due date. It’s June, 27 don’t forget ;-) You have been very squirmy lately and I think it’s because you’re just as eager to meet us as we are to meet you. I love feeling you moving around inside me. It’s the most amazing feeling and it excites me each and every time. I can distinguish the differences between you kicking and jabbing, doing little yoga stretches, and your personal favorite, somersaults! Sometimes I think you are going for a record how many times you can roll over without getting dizzy. I have discovered that you, like your Momma, love sugar! Anytime I eat anything sweet you have a crazy burst of energy. You are also quite the night owl. You are always the most active in the evenings and especially when your Momma is trying to sleep. I wonder if this will be a habit of yours after you are born? We are getting more prepared for your arrival. We even have a carseat now, thanks to your GG-MA, and can legally bring you home from the hospital. Your Daddy and I talk about what life will be like when you get here constantly! We love you and can’t wait to meet you.

Love, Your Momma

7 months!

7 months!

6 1/2 months pregnant at prom!

Have I mentioned what an incredibly nice person my husband is recently?! With 5 days to go until prom he volunteers to build the photo backdrop, decorate, and be the karaoke DJ on prom night. He basically saved what would have been a very lame prom. I even helped by glittering 6 of those giant masks.